I believe many of us have heard all this talk about love languages and if you haven’t, let me explain in a nutshell. The five love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch & acts of service) developed by Gary Chapman are basically the different ways we express and receive love. We don’t all communicate love in the same way and in that same breath, we prefer to receive love in different ways. The conversation on love languages has been focused mainly on expressing & receiving love in relation to others -how do we express love to our significant others, friends and family and how do we prefer to receive love from them. But do we ever think about how we prefer to give & show love to ourselves?
Your Self-Love Language
We all know how important self-love and acceptance is for our emotional, and mental wellbeing, confidence and overall life. Knowing your self-love language is necessary in figuring out what gets us to the point of self-love and acceptance as well as what doesn’t. Self-love looks different for everyone and your self-love language may be the same as your regular self-love language or it could be completely different.
On the other hand, finding out your self-love language is quite helpful for your self-care in that you would be treating yourself and prioritizing yourself in the ways most meaningful to you. Like I say many times, self-care is super personal and what I need to feel like I’m caring for myself may not necessarily work for you. We definitely all need a little bit of each of the languages but figuring out which resonates most with you can really help elevate your self-care practices and your self-love journey in general. So let’s get into it! (Oh! And you can take this quiz to find out your self-love language)
Words of Affirmation
If you identify with words of affirmation as your love language, you love hearing compliments about yourself and what you’re doing. Hearing someone say “you’re doing great” or “you’re beautiful” really makes you happy. Similarly, when it comes to yourself, you should speak kindly and lovingly as you would to someone you care about. Many times, we are our harshest critics so replacing negative self-talk with kind words is a powerful way to show ourselves love. Celebrate yourself, your big and small wins, tell yourself you’re proud, give yourself a compliment!
Ideas: keep a gratitude jar, read a self-help/motivational book, recite positive affirmations, watch a TED talk or motivational talk, write positive sticky notes
Quality Time
People with quality time as their love language are always down to hang out and feel most adored when someone actively spends time with them. If this is your self-love language, be intentional about spending time with yourself. Use this time to be present and get to know more about yourself and pay attention to what sparks joy when you’re alone.
Ideas: go on a solo date, watch your favorite show, journal, garden, engage in a hobby, meditate
Receiving Gifts
In this case, you feel loved when someone gives you a visual representation of love. When it comes to receiving gifts it’s the thought behind the gift that counts. Gifts (big or small it doesn’t matter) make you feel special because someone bought or made a gift with you in mind. If this is your self-love language, it’s not just about the treat yo’self mentality, it’s also about the small indulgences like eating a piece of candy after making it through 75% of your workday.
Ideas: take yourself on vacation, invest in your passion, buy a new plant, order take-out, buy something you’ve been eyeing
Physical Touch
If physical touch is your love language, a hug can make your whole day! You feel loved when you receive physical signs of affection such as hugs, kisses, sex, cuddles, holding hands etc. When it comes to physical touch as a self-love language, take steps to feel more in tune with your body.
Ideas: take a warm bath, make yourself a nutritious meal, try a new workout, snuggle up with a blanket
Acts of Service
People with this as their love language feel appreciated when someone goes out of their way to make their life easier. This could look like picking up the kids when you have a long day at work, making you coffee when you have a rushed morning etc. Showing kindness to yourself and making your life easier & more convenient is a great way to show up for yourself if this happens to be your self-love language.
Ideas: meal prepping, keep a habit tracker, schedule doctor’s or therapy appointments, set monthly goals, donate to a charity
If you don’t know your love language, you can take a quiz here to find out. It’s totally normal to have more than 1 or even all love languages in varying degrees as your self-love language. I hope you enjoyed this post & what you take from it helps you take better care of yourself.
-All the love, Wendy xx