Those of you who know me personally know that I’m a chronic perfectionist. Through therapy, I’ve come to learn that this is a trauma response that I built up in my childhood. While being a perfectionist seems like a good problem to have with many people telling their potential employers that their biggest weakness is perfectionism, it can really stand in the way of life and a lot of things in between. In fact in my case, perfectionism is one of the many faces of my imposter syndrome.
I once read that perfectionism is the pursuit of the worst within ourselves and while I didn’t really believe that then, I now see how this is true. Perfectionism is not about doing extraordinary things but it’s about doing ordinary things extraordinarily. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to do ordinary things extraordinarily, striving for perfection rather than excellence can hinder you from even doing stuff. There is a very fine line between excellence and perfection. Learning how to distinguish the two and being mindful of yourself can prevent you from being sucked into the perfectionism sinkhole.
Perfectionism is relative and is a moving target so one can never truly achieve it. What I’m learning to instead focus on is the effort that I put in every single day to excel at my different endeavours and in that same breath, the progress I’ve made since the last try. When I talk about excellence here, I mean excelling at a task for my own satisfaction. Excellence is intrinsically motivated so I gain even greater satisfaction than chasing perfection. Doing this has allowed me to celebrate my achievements, big and small and give myself the grace to make mistakes and learn from them.
Perfectionism vs. Progress
PERFECTION | PROGRESS |
“I can’t show my project to anyone until it’s perfect.” | “Real life feedback helps me improve and learn.” |
“Nothing is ever good enough.” | “Done is better than perfect.” |
“If I don’t get this right, I’m a failure.” | “Failure is an event, not a characteristic” |
“I only have one chance to do this, if I fail/lose/get rejected, I should quit because I suck at it.” | “I will take as many chances as possible and learn, and become better from each of them.” |
“It’s all or nothing. If I don’t have it all now, what’s the point?” | “I will start small and simple and improve and evolve over time.” |
How Perfectionism Held Me Back
Perfectionism slowed me down and made me procrastinate a lot. Sometimes I’d push tasks up to the very last minute because of fear of not being perfect or because of waiting for the perfect time to start. I literally gave myself no room for failure. I remember getting so mad at myself one day while making gram flour ‘omelettes’ at my friend’s house for the first time. Beating myself up for failure and roadblocking it, meant that I wasn’t giving myself space to learn and improve. Perfection also made it unbearable to live with my inner critic but I’ve since learnt how to live with her (read about how I managed to do this here). Lastly, perfectionism made it hard for me to focus on the bright side of life and find happiness in the little things.
What I'm Doing To Strive For Progress Over Perfection
1. Giving Myself Credit
The pursuit of perfection is probably the most painful thing I did to myself. So now, instead of beating myself up about not reaching a certain goal, I give myself credit for being at least one step closer to my goals.
2. I Expect & Embrace Self-doubt
Self-doubt is normal and setbacks do happen however they’re not signs from the universe that I should quit. And since self-doubt never goes away, when I experience it, I pause, take a breath and instead of asking ‘what’s the point?’ I ask, ‘what can I do right next time?’
3. Remembering That Excellence Is Not Perfectionism
Since perfection is a moving target, I wouldn’t be satisfied with everything ever. Giving my best in everything ensures that I progress and doing this doesn’t mean that I’m settling or that I’ll stop making an effort. I realized excellence is about giving the best that I can in everything that I do.
4. Planning Ahead For & Expecting Problems
I once had a music teacher who said that life is like a video game, if there are no obstacles, you’re probably on the wrong path. No matter how organized and motivated you are, obstacles are a part of life and many times they are beyond your control. Realizing that obstacles will come, has helped me to expect them and therefore not beat myself up about things not working out when and how I expected them to and instead go back to the drawing board and figure out how I can solve them.
5. Taking Small Steps
Focusing on progress rather than perfection allows me to get somewhere. With perfectionism, the finish line keeps moving. When moving towards a fixed line (a fixed goal), each stride allows me to make progress. Even if I fail and fall down, as long as I get back up and still try, I’m making progress.
6. Embracing Positive Quitting
Like many of us, I was afraid that if I quit something it meant that I’m a failure or a loser. However, there are times when we need to let some things go. Be it a project, a job, a relationship or even a goal. When these things no longer align with who you are/want to be and our values, it’s okay to move on. Sometimes when pursuing something and putting your energy, time and money into it you realize that it’s not what you actually want. This was me and creating food content. I realized that it didn’t feel like the right fit for me and I chose to walk away because it didn’t serve me anymore and I had already learnt and experienced enough from it and I was ready for the next chapter. I held on to it for a while because of the fear of being a failure but I realized that was holding me back from doing what I really wanted -this, creating this kind of edifying, self improving content. If something no longer serves you, it’s okay to move on. Moving on is not the same as giving up.
Realizing perfection is inevitable and pursuing it is futile has honestly helped me turn my life around. Real change is invisible, there won’t be a band playing at your door and it really does involve work. I’ve accepted that and cultivated patience and grace to allow myself to fail and get back up and keep going until I reach my goal. Taking each moment as it comes and focusing on the journey of life is the best way to live life to the fullest and make strides towards excellence and being a better, healthier version of myself.
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