Self-care. I love this practice and concept but I have many problems with how self-care has been taught and presented in our lives. Because of this, self-care has become one of those things that feel intimidating, lonely, inaccessible and unsustainable. Today we’re focusing on deconstructing the narrative that self-care is all about self. While it has the word self right in it and while there are needs only you can meet for yourself, a large part of self-care is community care. In my post about the dimensions of self-care, I spoke briefly about social self-care but I want us to dive deeper.
As humans, we’re social and relational beings; we’re born into communities, live in communities, celebrate with community and even in death, we gather as communities to celebrate & mourn a life well-lived. Coming from a collectivist culture, it’s no wonder we’re uncomfortable with the concept of self-care, it’s been portrayed as a hyper-individualistic thing. However, we can’t say we’ve truly taken care of ourselves as a whole if we don’t take care of this huge part of who we are. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, love and belonging is the third level of our needs. This shows that we have an innate, psychological need for intimate relationships. The gist here is leaning towards interdependence and unlearning hyper-independence.
There’s a depth, connection and fulfilment that can only be reached in community. Community care is the recognition that we need people and that we rely on each other to survive and to thrive. Community care is committing to using our power, resources and privilege to better and uplift people within and without our scope of reach and also being open to receiving from them. This can look like standing up for people & calling out injustices, donating, activism, or simply asking someone “what do you need? How can I make your life easier right now?” And in turn being open to receiving help from the community you’re a part of. Community care and community love is so powerful not only in healing, our experience of love and bettering ourselves, but also in general society and solving systemic issues, but that’s a story for another day. (You can click here and here to get the gist of what I’m talking about.) By cultivating this foundation of togetherness that’s community care, we’re able to support our well-being as well as that of our loved ones. Here’s a few ways we can engage in community care more.
Offer Help & Make It As Specific As Possible
Whenever we see people going through a difficult period, many of us would like to help and so we ask our loved one how we can help. More often than not, they may not say anything or say that they’re fine or will figure it out. This is mainly because we generally have trouble identifying our needs and asking for help. So next time, instead of just telling someone you’re willing to help, assess and anticipate their needs where possible and follow through if they accept your offer. For instance, if your friend is going through a stressful and busy time with their work or studies, you could offer to buy them a meal or wash their dishes or run an errand for them to ease up on their to-do list. Sometimes the help can also just be a listening ear. If your friend is going through a period where they have so many decisions to make and they feel overwhelmed, you could hop on a call with them and help them sort through the problem solving they’re doing or send them resources that can help with decision making. As you continue to do this, they’ll also be able to actually anticipate their own needs and make requests for specific areas of help they need in the future. Remember not to overstretch though, if you can’t meet their needs at this time that’s okay, you can meet them next time.
Check In Often
You’ve seen the posts everywhere on social media saying remember to check on your friends and all that jazz but this goes further than a simple ‘how are you’ text. An effective way to actually check in on your loved ones is to let them actually know that you are checking in. This can look like saying “Hey, I just wanted to check in with you. How are you feeling lately? What’s it like being you right now?” And if you know specifically what their life currently looks like, you can be more specific as well. This can look like, “Hey, I know you’re working on the project you’ve been hoping to sign, how’s that going? Are there any challenges and/or successes?” or “Hey, I know you’re currently stressed with your mom sick and your busy schedule at work, how are you managing? Let me know.”
Stand Up & Intervene
When you see injustice, discrimination or harassment, use your privilege to stand up for those without your privilege. Once you’ve neutralized the situation, check in with the wronged person and see if they’re okay and if they need further support. If you’re unable to fully help the situation, look to organizations and people who can help. For example if you witness domestic or sexual abuse or violence you can contact Usikimye to see how they can best help and what procedure to take. If you witness unfair treatment, micro-aggression and disrespect in the workplace, you can take this to HR if it escalates after your initial intervention.
Micro-level Examples of Community Care:
Offering to babysit
Go to a friend’s new show, event or workshop
Buy from your loved one’s new business
Offer to cook them a meal
Macro-level Examples of Community Care:
Donating or volunteering to organizations in need
Creating or joining a support group
Supporting locally owned businesses
Attending community gatherings and rallies.
Remember Sunshine, self-care is not just for you, it’s for you to become the best version of yourself for yourself and for others around you. Self-care is pouring into your cup so you have enough to pour back into your relationships, community, dreams, career and every other aspect of your life. There are many ways to take care of ourselves and our communities. As you learn to practice more community-care, remember that self-care and community care are not 2 different entities, they’re interconnected. And as you come through for your community, allow them to show up and come through for you as well.