Inner child healing and inner child work have become more common phenomena in the world of wellness and mental health. Where I’m at currently I don’t want to limit inner child work to mean healing the toddler version of you but I think it’s important to acknowledge that inner child work also involves your inner teenager. In fact, there’s no specific age that our inner child is at. When you think of your inner child you might think of you at 6 and I might think of me at 13. Further down the line, it might change and you might be focusing on your 13-year-old self and I could now be focusing on my 6-year-old self (of course these ages are completely random). The point I’m making here is that we shouldn’t be restrictive in our definition of our inner child. So what exactly is the inner child?
The inner child basically describes the part of our personalities that reacts and feels like a child. It’s an emotional way of being that’s a remnant of the child we once were. The inner child is the part of us that feels super vulnerable, gets easily angered or hurt, and acts impulsively but also has the capacity to feel and experience the fullness of joy and be playful, innocent, and spontaneous. As adults, we all have an inner child within us, I mean we were all once children & teenagers, but our connection to our inner child varies.
Connecting to your inner child is a core part of healing them and is just as much about your adult self. There’s a misbelief that inner child work only benefits our past as it’s all about focusing on the past since it revolves around your childhood & teenagehood. And yes, this is true, but inner child healing is also valuable to our adult selves. When we begin healing our inner child, we help the current and future versions of ourselves.
Things that happen to you in your childhood & teenagehood can sometimes leave a significant mark on your psyche. The work of inner child healing helps us fully recognize & understand our emotional needs which are usually easily dismissed as irrational & foolish. As children we have emotional needs for love, safety, validation, spontaneity, autonomy & respect of boundaries and these needs continue even in adulthood. When these needs remain unmet, it could lead to a range of mental health challenges such as people-pleasing behavior, inability to have fun, anger issues, feeling disconnected from yourself, etc.
Learning to listen to our inner child and finding ways to nurture it and meet our needs as much as we can gives us a chance to enjoy fulfillment & contentment and allows us to receive and practice joy more regularly. On the other hand, when we ignore our inner child, we can continue in a cycle of our impulses & emotions taking control of our lives, self-destructive behaviors, and a feeling of neglect and disconnection from ourselves. This healing focuses on uncovering and releasing the causes for some personality traits & behaviors so you can move around the world and react to future challenges from a point of safety and curiosity rather than as a wounded child.
If you feel ready to reconnect with your inner child, here are some accessible and simple ways that can help you open your heart to your inner child with compassion & kindness:
1. Be curious about your feelings
Our feelings can be one of our greatest teachers when we learn to understand, observe & regulate them. When we were younger, we felt our emotions in BIG ways, however, in adulthood, we’re emotionally flooded or numb. Allowing yourself to be curious about how you’re feeling and what’s going on internally helps you reconnect with your inner child and also helps you learn how to use your emotions for good rather than act impulsively on them or have them control your life. Be gentle with yourself and explore different ways you can meet yourself at that point.
2. Be creative and play
Engaging in games, creative projects and artistic activities required us to loosen our defenses, tap into imagination, and tap into our emotions like we did when we were younger. You could try anything from coloring, going for a paint & sip event, karaoke, having a game night, putting on makeup, or trying a new hobby. Tapping into our creativity unlocks qualities like spontaneity, inventiveness, playfulness and the ability to have fun which we sometimes lose in adulthood.
3. Allow yourself to receive
When we’re younger, we’re much better at receiving than when we’re adults and this is because it’s more acceptable for us to ask for help as children and teenagers. Somewhere along the line as we grow up, we learn to find shame in asking for help. Practice allowing yourself to receive what you need, be it love, support, help, grace, kindness, etc.
4. Falling in love
Now, this is not something we can dictate or plan. However, when you do find yourself in love enjoy the fullness of it. When we’re in love, we find ourselves experiencing a wide range of emotions similar to what we experienced when we were younger. We have an increased need for affection and closeness, we experience joy deeper, and we can experience a sense of jealousy and separation anxiety, which are all emotional states that have strong links to our childhood & teenagehood.
5. Have some fun, loosen up, and practice joy
In my opinion, this is the easiest way to connect with your inner child. Allow yourself to be goofy, and silly, to jump and dance around and truly enjoy yourself. Find what feels fun to you and prioritize and enjoy that.
6. Hang out with the children in your life
Spending quality time with children (your own or those who are in your life) gives you first-hand the carefree but also highly emotional state of being that children have. It also makes it easier to tap into your childhood memories and feelings.
7. See a therapist
Having a therapist to guide us through this process can be extremely helpful. Working with a therapist can help you point out any subtle or buried emotions and memories from this part of yourself and provide insight on how you can move forward and heal this part of yourself with helpful tips and tools. If you want to work on this with a therapist, book a consultation call with me by clicking this link and we can get started on this journey.